This morning I found this card, my daughter had made it at school and I’m guessing it should have received it for Christmas.
She explained to me that ;
“I wrote ‘mum and dad’ because they’re the two most important people in my family”
I said something encouraging and thought to myself;
And made a cup of tea and had a little moment to gather myself together before getting on with the Monday morning school routine. What I felt was sad, angry, lucky and glad.
I felt sad for my daughter who doesn’t have her dad around as a part of her life every day or week, or very often at all really.
I felt angry at her father because, he isn’t around and he doesn’t make nearly enough effort to build a relationship with his daughter. Now please, don’t comment about his actions on this – I know the reasons behind the decisions he’s made and I have told him that he is wrong. I don’t agree with his reasoning and every day my attitude hardens a little bit more, but this isn’t the blog post to dissect that.
I felt angry because in the hour or so that our child had been awake this morning before we found the card I had comforted her when she banged her head, listened to constant chatter and answered the myriad of questions that were thrown at me, organised her to get herself dressed, prepared lunches and breakfasts, chased her gently along to eat her breakfast, encouraged her reading and writing and so many more things all at the same time. Parenting is constant and layered. It isn’t an occasional Skype call, annual visit and celebration gifts. I’m angry because I felt that his actions don’t justify the love that is given so unconditionally.
I felt lucky that I get to do all those many things for my child and that I get to live with her love every day.
And I felt glad that as far as my daughter is concerned her dad is still worthy to be on her Christmas card and in her heart, because one day it wont be so and I’m not at all prepared for dealing with my child’s first broken heart.