Merry Christmas mum and dad

This morning I found this card, my daughter had made it at school and I’m guessing it should have received it for Christmas.

Happy Christmas mum and dad

She explained to me that ;

“I wrote ‘mum and dad’ because they’re the two most important people in my family”

I said something encouraging and thought to myself;


And made a cup of tea and had a little moment to gather myself together before getting on with the Monday morning school routine.    What I felt was sad, angry, lucky and glad.

I felt sad for my daughter who doesn’t have her dad around as a part of her life every day or week, or very often at all really.

I felt angry at her father because, he isn’t around and he doesn’t make nearly enough effort to build a relationship with his daughter.  Now please, don’t comment about his actions on this – I know the reasons behind the decisions he’s made and I have told him that he is wrong.  I don’t agree with his reasoning and every day my attitude hardens a little bit more, but this isn’t the blog post to dissect that.

I felt angry because in the hour or so that our child had been awake this morning before we found the card I had comforted her when she banged her head, listened to constant chatter and answered the myriad of questions that were thrown at me, organised her to get herself dressed, prepared lunches and breakfasts, chased her gently along to eat her breakfast, encouraged her reading and writing and so many more things all at the same time.  Parenting is constant and layered.  It isn’t an occasional Skype call, annual visit and celebration gifts.  I’m angry because I felt that his actions don’t justify the love that is given so unconditionally.

I felt lucky that I get to do all those many things for my child and that I get to live with her love every day.

And I felt glad that as far as my daughter is concerned her dad is still worthy to be on her Christmas card and in her heart, because one day it wont be so and I’m not at all prepared for dealing with my child’s first broken heart.


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3 Responses to Merry Christmas mum and dad

  1. Robin January 27, 2014 at 3:37 pm #

    that is a great attitude to have. I know exactly how you feel – been there myself.
    It is not easy, but having a positive attitude like this acknowledges reality and that is a very good quality in a mother- it is something that will make all the difference to your Isabelle in the long run.

    And with my own single-parenting situation – everything turned out fine. Really and truly – my 27-year-old daughter is wise and beautiful and compassionate and everything a mother could hope for. I was afraid to hope that my efforts would be enough, but they were – it will be the same for you.
    Hang in there & keep enjoying her.

  2. amanda August 17, 2014 at 1:28 am #

    I grew up with just me and my wonderful mother. I have often asked and wondered why “he” didn’t have any interest. When I turned 18 and went to meet him, I had questions that needed answers. He was not the “God” I had imagined all those years. I think it made me appriciate my mother even more.

    He still has no interest now and I’m 22! He never even saw me to say goodbye as I left for a big move to Australia last year.
    It’s a man’s mind and I don’t think we will ever know how it works, I always find myself saying “how does he not care” or “I cant believe he didn’t think of me” when really I haven’t crossed his mind at all since God knows when.

    To all you single mothers out there that are worried about their kids favouring an almost completely or totally absent father, not to worry! We grow up and realise how much you did and how silly we were to want to know them. I think the old wives saying is applied perfectly here, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, he was a mystery figure I wanted to know more about, and had pictured different scenarios of how it would be soooo amazing when I met him and how he would want to make it up to me… Not so!!

    And hence, why I will always and forever, unconditionally, love my amazing mother.

    Strangely and funnily I found this by googling “can I boil milk in my kettle?” and your blog came up and I have chuckled and teared up reading some parts.
    Thank you for a laugh today, don’t worry.
    A, x

    • Ruth August 31, 2014 at 7:31 pm #

      I always wondered who googled “can I boil milk in a kettle” and now you know the answer.
      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Amanda, I’m glad you and your mum are strong for each other.

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